Oh, this one is tough to master, but if you can do it, you win!! You and Jesus can defeat anything! NOTHING can stop you if you can be joyful through the tears.
In February of 2022, it seemed like everyone around me was acting hateful and antagonistic. Work and home were both places I dreaded going to but on top of that, in one week, Hell Week, I felt the loss of another faith-based break-up; the loss of a sister I was extremely close to; and Gonzo, my adventure buddy, my best-friend, love of my life, comforter, and loyal companion, showed me the tumor growing in his mouth.
I thanked God for all of it. I didn’t understand why, but it was His plan, so I thanked Him.
And I also challenged satan. (I don’t necessarily recommend this.) I remember driving down the dirt road home and I screamed something like this: “HIT ME WITH WHATEVER YOU WANT! YOU CAN’T DO ANYTHING TO ME THAT MY GOD WON’T USE FOR GOOD! YOU MAY THINK YOU CAN DESTROY ME BUT WHATEVER YOU DO WILL ONLY BRING GOD GLORY SO HIT ME WITH YOUR BEST SHOT!”
He did. I had a string of Hell Weeks that would turn into Hell Years. And ultimately, God WOULD use it for His glory and I later found that it was that moment in time that I gave God permission to let the devil do many of the things he’d been asking to do (not all) to test and challenge me. Satan was hoping I would curse God. God knew I’d continue to thank Him through it all and I have to say I’m so grateful to at least have had Job as a role model.
Gonzo, my most valued treasure, the being that held my heart would slowly begin being taken away from me as we fought his cancer. My heart was shattering, yet I thanked God for all of it. (You can find all of his stories by searching his name on my Substack.)
God used his story and our battle for his life to touch so many lives because Gonzo was never mine. He was to be used by God for great things and I was just his mom.
But it was in this heart-wrenching battle where I learned how valuable Joy is as a weapon. Satan had accepted my challenge and was doing everything in his power to break me. Destroy me. And he was trying to use the thing I loved most and the people I admired the most to do it. The full post is here: I Choose Joy: Losing Gonzo
In literally speaking out loud, “I choose joy!” everything changed. A shift in the spiritual realm and in my soul happened. If we are made in God’s image, and He spoke us into being, doesn’t it make sense that we can speak joy into our hearts, even in the midst of their breaking?
2 years later, in February 2024, I would find myself experiencing unimaginable, uncontainable joy and for no reason. I would go back through my prayer journals and realize that in 2022 and 2023, during some of the hardest things I’ve ever experienced, I chose Joy and Gratitude. Through many tears, I chose to not let the enemy steal my joy or cause me to question God. In fact, even in the breaking, these words still permeated all of my prayers, “God, you are sooooo good to me!”
So, what happened? I realized just how powerful that was! My Joy muscle had been pushed beyond fatigue back then, making it so strong that, during the good times when I don’t NEED to flex it, it just overflows on its own. I am now so grateful for all the pain that pushed me to the point where I HAD to choose Joy, or I would have fallen into a pit of despair, self-pity, and self-destruction.
When everything hurts and life seems unbearable, choosing Joy seems counterintuitive, but we are called to do it for our own benefit. It is a powerful weapon against the enemy and, when things are good, the Joy you’ll feel naturally will be overwhelming.
Once again, God gives you a powerful choice! Free will! YOU choose how you look at life, both the good and the bad. So do the counterintuitive thing and see how God rewards you and how many battles are won and enemies are conquered!
Note on Hell Week: BUD/S training includes a notorious week of near-constant stress and exhaustion designed to break the strongest men. It’s called “Hell Week.” If your life feels like a string of spiritual Hell Weeks, it doesn’t mean you’re failing—it means you’re being forged. Your future strength is being carved out of current weakness.
Song: Joy In The Morning, by Tauren Wells and Elevation Worship
